Frustration

So, it's 3:30 am. I would love to be in bed, sleeping. However, a conversation about me wanting a dog, was somehow turned into a conversation about me spending money, and then into me being selfish. Now, I'm annoyed to the point I really want nothing to do with my husband.

I brought up that I would like to get a dog while he deploys. Partly for some comfort, and partly because it would make me feel a little safer without him here. He started talking about how I keep wanting to spend money, and I keep finding reasons to do so. His reasoning being that I mentioned wanting a new set of dining room chairs, and a new bed. Granted, those things cost money, but I have legitimate reasons for them.

The chairs. The ones we have right now, are badly damaged by age. The support bars that hold the legs stable are all broken, and all of the legs are badly loose. They're a safety hazard for our daughter. I'm worried that she's going to climb up to eat, and the chair is going to collapse. So, we need new chairs. I don't give a crap about a matching dining set, U just want sturdy chairs. I'll even buy secondhand, I don't much care.

The bed. I have a birth defect in my spine that causes me daily pain. It has been an issue in my life since I was 12. It will affect me for the rest of my life. Living with chronic pain is a challenge. I'm constantly seeking ways to find relief, without drugs or surgery. I even have a machine that provides electric shock stimulus to my muscles in my lower back to try and ease some of the pain. Now, over the years, I've slept in hundreds of homes, hotels and assorted other places. The one and only time I woke without back pain was when I stayed with my father, and slept in his bed. He owns a Sleep Number bed. For the first time in years, I woke up and my back felt fine. I told my husband I want to buy one next year, with some of the money we save during deployment. He's totally against it, saying they're too expensive. Now, I've done the research. The model I want is exactly the same price as a brand new mattress and box spring from a name brand company. Either way, we need a new bed, as our current mattress sags badly and the springs are felt as soon as you lay down.

He tells me he worries about my health, worries about my well-being, worries about my daily pain levels. But one of the few things I can find that I know will provide some relief, he refuses to let me do. He tells me he hurts every day too, because he has a physical job, and I just need to suck it up and get over it. So, having chronic pain due to a spinal malformation, and having sore muscles from PT and other assorted training, are the same thing. I'm sorry, I don't see the comparison. His aches are easily managed by rest, some tylenol, and a hot shower and/or ice pack. My condition is alleviated by very few things. I can take narcotics, which work nicely, aside from the whole being stoned aspect. I can have surgery, which would lay me up for over 6 months,followed by another 6 months or so of physical therapy, meaning there's no way he could deploy. That's pretty much it. The Sleep Number bed would help in that I wouldn't wake up in pain, and I would find it easier to sleep without being woken by the pain when I turn over. How is this a selfish desire? How is the cost not justified by the amount of relief it would provide? When I asked him those very questions, I was told, "Don't try to turn this around. Just shut up and find something cheap. Go to sleep."

Now, I fully understand the need to save money, as I'm the one who handles our budget. It's not like I'm going to buy the damn thing if we're not making ends meet. I'm not going to put uis in the hole to buy it. I'm only going to get it if we're able to save money during the time he is gone. Now, he talks about taking his bonus, or deployment savings, and doing all sorts of shit. He wants to go to tattooing school. He wants to buy a 7000 dollar guitar. He wants to get a ton of tattoos. He wants to go to Las Vegas. He wants to do all this stuff. But the two or three things I really want, that I have legitimate reasons for, that owuld improve our lives and well-being, are deemed too expensive.

Can someone explain this to me?

A Painful and Beautiful Truth

Picked this up on Blackfive. It honestly moved me to tears. I don't have the words to express my respect, gratitude and pride I have for Sen. McCain.

WTF?!

So I found this posted on Blackfive. I'm so disgusted, I'm actually nauseous. I truly hope this man gets a kick in the balls for this shit.

http://www.blackfive.net/main/2008/10/if-you-are-in-t.html#more

Popcorn and ACU's

I decided it might be a good idea to explain the title of this blog. Kinda random, no?

So, there are three sections to my life:
Home: Family, close friends, etc.
Military: My husbands unit, their families, NCO's, FRG, etc.
Popcorn: All the stupid bullshit that happens on life that you have no control over, but it affects your life anyway. Why do I call it popcorn? Well, most people call it drama. But I love dramatic cinema, and my favorite thing to do while watching a good movie is eat popcorn. There ya go.

Want a couple examples of popcorn? Ok. PFC Choc-nilla's wife heard from SPC Quiet Man's wife that I was badmouthing her husband. The story was that I was going around and telling "the world" that PFC Choc-nilla was cheating on her. Instead of asking me, calling me, emailing me, anything, she does nothing except continue the Popcorn. It takes me going to her house and asking her about the situation. Now the reality is that I had reason to believe he WAS being unfaithful. However, I spoke to two and only two people about this. My husband, to ask him if I should talk to her about it, and Pvt Magoo's wife to ask her to have PFC Choc-nilla's wife to call. Now, you may ask, why didn't I directly call PFC Choc-nilla's wife with my concern? Well, it's simple. I did. I called more than three times, and each time the call was unanswered, and my voicemails were not returned. I did this in view of my husband, on the off chance that Popcorn would ensue. And of course, it did. Now, I have no resentment toward PFC Choc-nilla, or his wife. I can either assume Pvt Magoo's wife told other people what I had talked to her about, or assume my husband did. Being that I'm unwilling to deal with more Popcorn, I simply drop it, mend the fences with PFC Choc-nilla's wife, and move on. Now, how does this affect my life? That depends on me. I can either get upset at the resulting opinion that I'm a "shit-talker," or I can ignore it and move on. I tend to take sort of the middle road. I do my best to show people I'm honest, but I don't force the issue when they refuse to accept it.

Now. Currently my husband is on an MRX. A rather ridiculous one, but it's still frustrating. He and his unit and currently sleeping in their shop, on post, less than 2 miles from our house. They stay there for 4 days, come home for a 3 day, then return for another 4 days. The point? No one is quite sure.

I guess I digressed a bit from the original subject of this post. But oh well. This is the one place where I can talk about this shit and vent and put my thoughts on "paper", as it were.

Not like anyone's going to read this anyway.

The Beginning

I suppose I should start at the beginning, as it's usually the best place to start.

My name is Jaime. At the age of 18, I met my future husband. At a Goth club. Yes, I know, how cliche. At the time, we were both involved with other people, but that didn't stop us from flirting. He was fresh out of the USMC at the time, and drunk as hell. We left the club with a group of friends, and went to Denny's. He was so drunk, he couldn't feed himself.

So, doing my duty as a military supporter, I fed him his cheese fries while completely ignoring my boyfriend. ;) That was the last time I would see him for about 2 years. We never forget each other.

When those 2 years had passed, and I had moved back to NH, we ended up bumping into each other, and the rest is history.

We got pregnany, we broke up, we got back together, had a daughter and got hitched. Then real life hit.

We were both in our early 20's, new parents, with no college education. I was lucky enough to have a decent job at a hotel, where I was an assistant manager. He, however, couldn't find anything other than a shitty job at Wal- Mart. In 2007, things had become desperate. We were in debt up to our eyeballs, risking eviction, and skipping meals to feed our daughter. This is the following conversation that would change our lives.

Derrick: I think I should go talk to a recruiter.

Jaime: A recruiter for what?

Derrick: The military. The Army.

J: The Army? Since when did you want to go back in the military?

D: Well, I've been thinking about it for a while, and I think it would really get us back on track.

J: Alright, well, let's go talk to one then.

And that was that. The papers were signed within a week, and he left for WTC (Warrior Transition Course) a couple days before our first wedding anniversary.

He was stationed in Alaska, where we now reside. Our first deployment is fast approaching. And the unit he has been assigned to is the most ridiculous, mickey-mouse, ass-kissing group of morons I've ever met who wear uniforms.

Don't get me wrong, I support and respect all the men and women of the Armed Forces. But the sheer amount of office politics and brown nosing that occurs within this particular unit is rather disturbing.

This is my place, for our story. Where I don't have to worry about other people on post reading. Where I can say what I want, without the 18 year old Army Wives talking shit. This is where I can tell my husband's story, pre-deployment and all the way through to his homecoming.

This is my new Sanctuary.
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