Frustration

So, it's 3:30 am. I would love to be in bed, sleeping. However, a conversation about me wanting a dog, was somehow turned into a conversation about me spending money, and then into me being selfish. Now, I'm annoyed to the point I really want nothing to do with my husband.

I brought up that I would like to get a dog while he deploys. Partly for some comfort, and partly because it would make me feel a little safer without him here. He started talking about how I keep wanting to spend money, and I keep finding reasons to do so. His reasoning being that I mentioned wanting a new set of dining room chairs, and a new bed. Granted, those things cost money, but I have legitimate reasons for them.

The chairs. The ones we have right now, are badly damaged by age. The support bars that hold the legs stable are all broken, and all of the legs are badly loose. They're a safety hazard for our daughter. I'm worried that she's going to climb up to eat, and the chair is going to collapse. So, we need new chairs. I don't give a crap about a matching dining set, U just want sturdy chairs. I'll even buy secondhand, I don't much care.

The bed. I have a birth defect in my spine that causes me daily pain. It has been an issue in my life since I was 12. It will affect me for the rest of my life. Living with chronic pain is a challenge. I'm constantly seeking ways to find relief, without drugs or surgery. I even have a machine that provides electric shock stimulus to my muscles in my lower back to try and ease some of the pain. Now, over the years, I've slept in hundreds of homes, hotels and assorted other places. The one and only time I woke without back pain was when I stayed with my father, and slept in his bed. He owns a Sleep Number bed. For the first time in years, I woke up and my back felt fine. I told my husband I want to buy one next year, with some of the money we save during deployment. He's totally against it, saying they're too expensive. Now, I've done the research. The model I want is exactly the same price as a brand new mattress and box spring from a name brand company. Either way, we need a new bed, as our current mattress sags badly and the springs are felt as soon as you lay down.

He tells me he worries about my health, worries about my well-being, worries about my daily pain levels. But one of the few things I can find that I know will provide some relief, he refuses to let me do. He tells me he hurts every day too, because he has a physical job, and I just need to suck it up and get over it. So, having chronic pain due to a spinal malformation, and having sore muscles from PT and other assorted training, are the same thing. I'm sorry, I don't see the comparison. His aches are easily managed by rest, some tylenol, and a hot shower and/or ice pack. My condition is alleviated by very few things. I can take narcotics, which work nicely, aside from the whole being stoned aspect. I can have surgery, which would lay me up for over 6 months,followed by another 6 months or so of physical therapy, meaning there's no way he could deploy. That's pretty much it. The Sleep Number bed would help in that I wouldn't wake up in pain, and I would find it easier to sleep without being woken by the pain when I turn over. How is this a selfish desire? How is the cost not justified by the amount of relief it would provide? When I asked him those very questions, I was told, "Don't try to turn this around. Just shut up and find something cheap. Go to sleep."

Now, I fully understand the need to save money, as I'm the one who handles our budget. It's not like I'm going to buy the damn thing if we're not making ends meet. I'm not going to put uis in the hole to buy it. I'm only going to get it if we're able to save money during the time he is gone. Now, he talks about taking his bonus, or deployment savings, and doing all sorts of shit. He wants to go to tattooing school. He wants to buy a 7000 dollar guitar. He wants to get a ton of tattoos. He wants to go to Las Vegas. He wants to do all this stuff. But the two or three things I really want, that I have legitimate reasons for, that owuld improve our lives and well-being, are deemed too expensive.

Can someone explain this to me?